Spring Break Shenanigans: HvZ

This is what a zombie looks like.

During a zombie apocalypse, your job is not to get eaten by one.

This is what a zombie apocalypse looks like.

Well, this happened to me over my spring break. . . twice!!! It was quite fun, actually.

Under normal circumstances, having a zombie apocalypse incidentally erupt upon your college spring break would be a nasty way to spend your time back at home. However, the whole scenario didn't really breed smoke, anarchy, and catastrophe. Admittedly, it looked more like this:

"Auuggghhh! It's a zombie!!!"

It's called Humans versus Zombies (HvZ).

It's a game played between two opposing teams, the humans and the zombies. Human players traverse a designated game zone armed with NERF weapons and sock grenades, identify each other through bandanas tied around their arms, and attempt to survive the zombie apocalypse for a select period of time. Zombie players tie their bandanas around their necks or heads and go around doing what all zombies do during zombie apocalypses: zombie-fying everything that moves. So unfortunately for the humans, if you're zombie-fied, you have to join the zombie team. But fortunately for the humans, HvZ etiquette does forego the traditional zombification by way of bite for favor of the "tag, you're a zombie" method.

Now, in many ways, one can still say that HvZ is a worse kind of apocalypse than the ones you see in movies and TV series. HvZ zombies are actually intelligent, can navigate terrain, may prepare ambushes, and are able to communicate with one another. But the worst part about this zombie apocalypse? Our zombies can run.

OH SNAP!!!

But given the NERF guns, you're most likely thinking, "Oh, wow. Not a real zombie apocalypse. What a relief. That's not so scary at all. I mean, I got NERF! Get at me, bro!!!" Well, try saying that during the end-game when you're the last man standing... against a dozen zombies... with one NERF bullet left... Terrifying, I know! (True story, by the way)

You see, the thing about zombie apocalypses is that for every zombie that you NERF, there's always twenty more that you didn't NERF. You start the game with 18 bullets. Do the math.

Oh, and did I mention that they respawn? XD

So for effect, while you're playing HvZ:

What you see (Early game)

 What you see (End game)

What you think you look like

What you really look like

The first game we played consisted of a mix of 14 high school and college players at Finch Park in Ramsey, NJ. I played as a human. The zombies did their horde thing and wiped us all out after perhaps eight or nine skirmishes. It was pretty straightforward.

The second game was hosted on the campus of Don Bosco Prep, also in Ramsey, NJ. I played the original zombie that game. The following is an actual battle-log of a human player I was stalking during that game.

I like to think my zombie games are a little more interesting.

Michael Magone and Swearing

Do you know what living on the street does to you?

Perhaps your response might depend on what kind of street is under scrutiny, and you would be right. Well then, imagine one. Forge it with old stones and primitive cement. Then make it dirty and poor. No, not poor. More like penniless, impoverished. Color the air above it with dust and smoke. Scatter some thieves, pickpockets and other street urchins on the corners, and you have before you something like this:

Bonus points if you did in fact imagine it black and white

What do you think living in a street like that does to you? Certainly, the first thing is that it will make you aware of your first and cardinal instinct: survival. Live in it long enough, and it will make you hyper-conscious of your need to eat, drink, and sleep. It will slowly force you to abandon unnecessary principles like manners and ethics. It will make you devious, creative. It will make you tough.

If you understand all of that, then congratulations: you pretty much have this one street-kid Michael Magone all figured out. Before Don Bosco brought him to his oratory, that is more or less what Magone had to deal with on a daily basis.

That's this guy, right here

But you're probably like, "Wait, THAT guy's a street-kid?! Oh, come now. He can't be. He looks too happy, too playful, too innocent. Street-kids are filthy, rude, scanty, and above all, vulgar! And... I mean... Just look at him."

Look. At. Him!

Well, I'm sorry to break it to you, but what you see is more like an aftermath. When Michael Magone came into the oratory, he played rough; he swore a lot; he picked fights; he swore a lot; he distrusted people; I think he also swore a lot too.

But here's the kicker: Michael hated all of that. He hated being a street-kid. He hated having no self-control. He hated his gut instinct of throwing hooks and jabs. And he hated swearing. He hated it all so much that he contrived to do what no other street-kid before him dared to do: Michael Magone was planning on getting holy.

We imagine him donning this shirt at his moment of resolution

And do you know how he fixed up to do that? He planned to do the other thing that no other street-kid before him dared to do: he was going to quit swearing.

 

Do you see the harebrained nonsense Michael was proposing? A born and raised street-kid was going to stop using unpleasant language. That's going against his own nature; it's the logical equivalent of slamming a revolving door. It's impossible! You don't do that jazz unless you're Chuck Norris! But moreover and worse, do you grasp the natural consequences that follow if he actually succeeds? If a teenage street-kid proposes (and thereafter manages) to accomplish the preposterous goal of staying a near-genetic and built-in vulgarity: it means that we have to stop too.

OH SNAP!!!

That's it. We'd be done. I quit. Game over. When a street-kid who swears like he breathes metaphorically decides to "stop breathing," we are straight up out of excuses. Unless you don't care that a poor, dirty, uneducated skid like Michael makes a better Christian than you, that is... but in any event, it's probably a good thing that he never actually pulled it off, right?

"Unfortunately, this tongue of mine has not always performed as it should have; at least it is in my power to correct it for the future!" ~Michael Magone (14)

... oh.

Seminary Stereotypes

A lot of people tend to equate seminaries with libraries. Y’know, quiet, studious, erudite. Everyone’s always studying. Otherwise, they’re in the chapel always praying. That one guy probably on the roof, enjoying the breeze, finding God in the clouds.

Well, for those of you who are waiting for me to dispel your false impressions, I am sorry to disappoint you, but that is exactly what goes on in our seminary.

The image you have of us in your head right now

SURPRISE! All of that is true! We study a lot. We pray a lot. We reflect a lot. That’s what you do when you try to become men of God. I mean, come on. What were you expecting?

Something like this?

Because if you were, SURPRISE (PART 2)! Not of all of us are horribly strict, stern, and somber. And if we are, we’re not like that all of the time... usually. While we specialize in the arts of the divine, we don’t neglect the arts of our humanity either. For instance,

We like to shuffle

We rock out when we please

We're a little prankish [Don't do this]

We're hip

And we do a lot of cool things that you’ve never seen before: